a dream lost

i just want to write a few words before 4:48 comes and that's the time when death slips to my room and promises me things i desire... and i'm so likely to believe because i have nothing now, every memory has lost its meaning and every hope has turned to dust. i feel empty. it was enough to live for an illusion. but it's not enough to live for emptiness.

hey, death, what would you offer me? tell me about a paradise. my friend told me today that i should dream about reality, not about middle-earth. but reality doesn't mean anything now. i have to erase it, to forget it or i'll go mad.

every time you dream you have to wake up... sooner or later. no matter how vague the dream is... or how beautiful. i have awoken... too suddenly to get by without any scars. i want to go mad, i want to escape the reality and the meaning of the sentences i have read tonight that turned my life to nothing.

i wish i would desire to die, because that would be a final solution. but i only don't want to live...